Training session 2, sexual abuse info hard to deal with

First meeting over – chronologies not explored. We were slightly frustrated to be told for the umpteenth time about the process. Oh well patience, patience. We took all our documents and got 10/10 for following the process …can’t believe people don’t?!

We’ve at least met our SWs and work will begin in earnest at our three hour session tomorrow afternoon.

In the past week we’ve also been frantically filling in our stage one info which includes questions about experiences as a child, then as a teenager – what were you like in school, who was key in your life etc. it’s interesting to break your life down in this way and look back. I’ve since realised that my early years were very happy which I now understand is really important for a child’s basic development. My issues started from when my bro was born aged 6 and my teenage years were awful. I didn’t like myself much either. This will be interesting to explore with our SW when the time comes. Not.

Had our second training session on Friday. This was a challenging one as we discussed abuse, in particular sexual abuse. We talked about how children who have experienced this can ‘come on’ or flirt with an adult as it was a behaviour learnt. Unbelievably foster parents and adoptive parents have been known to sexually abuse children. The excuse being ‘they came on to me’ Christ almighty! These people make me want to cry.

So the conversation went something like – know your own sexuality. If this happens to you, you are the one that says ‘no’ this is wrong and seek help in dealing with it. Can’t believe we need to be told this but it’s not something that people may understand if they’ve never been exposed to sexual abuse. It may be that your child did not have sexual abuse as part of their history in the notes but they begin to show signs in later development.

It was such a hard hitting, sickening discussion to have. I say discussion but the group could barely speak.

On a brighter note, we’re forming friendships with our fellow adoptees and it’s all beginning to feel like a reality now.

DBS check done
Medical done
References all back.

Home visit planned for 3rd March

In general excited but did have a melt down last week – but that’s another post.

6 thoughts on “Training session 2, sexual abuse info hard to deal with

  1. Hi,

    I’m pleased to see that you’re making good progress. Your meltdown is a natural part of the process and your reaction to the sexual abuse is also normal. There is an element of trying to weed out the faint hearted during preparation groups. Children’s experiences pre-adoption do not define them and hopefully they can move on from them. The biggest issues I find are a delay in their emotional development and an obsession with food. All I know is that the world is desperate for big hearted adopters and any negative experiences you have in your life will prove to be positive for your future children. 😉

    1. Thanks Dave. I really appreciate your comment. It’s hard but it’s not putting me off. We’ve all had issues to deal with and many of us survived so I’m on the positive side at the moment. Looking forward to tomorrow when they really start to look at our chronologies.

  2. Really interesting. I’ve now done my three days of formal training (one in stage 1 and two in stage 2 – I think that’s it) and though we touched on some of the stuff above there wasn’t a session specifically on the stuff you discuss above. Sounds like it was a tough one.

    Looking forward to travelling the journey alongside you 🙂

    1. Loving your blog. You write really well, unlike me which is an unchecked ramble!
      Sorry to hear about ‘your lad’, very sad.
      I look forward to more posts.
      I too have a public twitter account (not blog) and hope to remain anonymous but as one of the most open people I’m finding it difficult. It’s this huge thing happening in your life that you can’t talk about. I’m getting used to it though.

      1. Thank you! That’s a lovely thing to say! The anonymity thing is really hard and a difficult balance, esp as I’m very lucky to have friends/family ep I’m very close to and happy to see my blog but is that a good idea? All very challenging isn’t it?!

        Panel in about 3 months in my case. Scary and exciting!

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