Maybe we’re crazy, maybe you’re crazy? stage 1 adoption review

As it turned out, it all hinged on the information day etiquette. The shop bought sandwiches were clocked, as were the number of biscuits consumed and as a result they are unsure whether we will make appropriate choices… Sorry that’s a joke. Our friends will understand this and the dilemma they faced – didn’t even cross my mind, obviously.

I’ll cut to the chase. Our training day 4 is mid April as planned. We go to panel in June – wow. Our other pre adopter friends are going in July. Fuck! Sorry for swearing but I’m currently trying to get my head around this. The rest is variable but we could be matched very early and lord knows when that could be?

So our lovely SW was telling us about how she HAD to get her yacht to Ireland in the right weather and Head SW was saying …after the massive yacht ramble ‘so you could go to panel in September (I’m boiling at this point and couldn’t look at DH), or in June before SW goes away’. Phew! Wow! ‘Well June of course’ I’m chomping at the bit to shout.

What I originally felt was a weakness with our freelance (my word not theirs) SW is now actually a massive strength. We are her only case. So whilst she has other commitments, she can work intensively with us. Our info will be submitted to panel late May. The early date is obviously a combination of her yachting predicament and our wrinkles and greying hair!

Head SW asked what our perfect day would look like. I said, the tent is up, the BBQ is on and we’re playing rounders. It’s busy and we’re all smiling…god knows where that came from. We saw our sister in law later who has two kids under 2 and she said, all fed and we’re watching tv quietly!? I’m starting to come back down to earth on my ideals…

She asked about age, gender and number and we said we were flexible. Which they obviously like but I can see three being a reality – if I were them I’d give us three, can’t be that many who’ll be so crazy or possibly have the room. I have this burning desire to ensure one less family group gets split up so I don’t care who else thinks we’re mad.

I asked how they are seeing our family. Head SW said that as I’m willing to take a significant time off work then they imagine at least two under school age. She said they’ve got an unprecedented number of younger groups coming through. I wasn’t prepared for that. I think I’d always thought of us as having slightly older possibly because of age.

How are we feeling? Shell shocked is the only way to described it.

I’ll be honest I’m totally scared at the idea of looking after /handling three children on my own whilst DH is at work. He’s going to take about a month off which is good but I’m sure that will fly. I mean, how do you even walk down the street with three children, two of whom are under 4? I’ll have a double buggy and one strapped to my back?? Crikey!

And work, shit, work! My boss is being great but that was because he thinks he’s got me until at least January 2015. What if this happens in September/October ….six/seven months away.

Be careful what you wish for…

It’s going to take me a few days to take this in. I’m going to see my family today – they’ll bring me down to earth.

We’ve been dreaming of this family for years but now the reality is here I’m totally scared
. I don’t have the first clue about kids beyond one hour of supervised lap bouncing (slightly harsh on reflection). The idea of going to a playgroup with a bunch of 17 year old mums fills me with horror and I’m highly likely to have the naughtiest children on the block. Our house is unfinished and or savings are non-existent. It’s ok though, I’ve got my 40th Ibiza weekend booked for early October though – what am I doing? That’s food and clothes for a month….

I’m shell shocked. Lots of thinking to do whilst also trying to pretend to my already vulnerable new work team that all’s well.

We’ve now got weekly meetings with our SW planned and there’s apparently a lot to do between now and the end of April. We’ve Easter in the way too.

A note to add to anyone reading this who’s looking for an understanding of the process. Our pre-adopter friends have varying timescales to the above. It’s hard when one is before the other but ultimately we’ll all be in the park with kiddie winks in tow by spring 2015.

I’m going to leave you with a song that is resonating massively. In fact I’ve just listened and it almost brought be to tears for all the right and hopeful reasons go Gnarls

3 thoughts on “Maybe we’re crazy, maybe you’re crazy? stage 1 adoption review

  1. Your excitement about the future really shines through. What a wonderful time, right on the brink of a new family.
    We have three now and the ‘more children than hands issue’ arises quite often. I think your idea of wearing a child is brilliant. We’ve found baby slings incredibly helpful, even when the boys were quite big.
    Looking back now, all our experience with children before the boys came home wasn’t the most helpful thing. The most important thing has turned out to be self-awareness. Knowing what I need to stay calm and how to recharge has been far more useful. If I could change one thing I did in preparation for the boys coming home, it wouldn’t be spending more time working with children, it would be working on me. I would have put in place lots of self-care strategies pre-children.
    Wishing you a smooth process and a quick match!

    1. Thank you for your comments my husband and I found them really helpful.
      I hear you but feel that the more I spend time with ‘stranger’ kids it teaches me what my weaknesses are.
      For instance it’s as basic as recently our two year old nephew was being quite boisterous throwing and hugging too aggressively. All I was doing was laughing and hugging him back whereas I should have been saying ‘no that hurts, hug me like this or throw like that’. I keep being told it’s different with someone else’s kids though as you have to follow the lead of the parent.
      I’ve had lots of counselling and CBT in my life plus countless off loading conversations with my bestie. So I’m fortunate in my self awareness and desire to seek help. Apparently that’s all good?!

      I’ll take a look at your blog for more tips. Xx

  2. Great blog – and really interesting comment and food for thought from Frogotter too. Thank you both of you.

    It is sooooo great, your excitement comes shining off the page!

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