After swapping email addresses at our last training session with two adoptive mums-to-be (both with other halves who are male) I’ve had an epiphany.
So the emails flow about how we arrived at adoption, what our journeys were in effect. These stopped me and husband in our tracks. Wow, very tough times for both. One involved an 11 week scan with no heart beat followed by egg donation processes in Prague. Made our journey seem far too uneventful. I don’t think I could have handled it going that far, it was emotional enough what we went through. I’m impressed and saddened by the strength and determination.
We’ve spent a lot of time alone in our ivf/non pregnancy world surrounded by support but no one who quite gets it. It’s either those who’ve successfully had IVF or those who’ve successfully adopted. Until now.
There were no support groups or training on this part of the journey. It’s been pretty lonely. Thank god we’ve got a great relationship otherwise I think I would have gone mad.
So we (the girls) decide to meet for Sunday lunch. It feels right, like I’m greeting old friends. We eat and chat and learn more about each other. We learn that despite being adoptive parents to be, we all have slightly different ideas of what our future families look like.
It’s great to talk about how we’re finding the process and our social workers too. Each has a different take. I find myself feeling quite laid back and nonchalant a bit que sera sera.
One of the funniest shared thinking was how one spent a lot of time thinking about their packed lunch for the training day. Needing to ensure it appeared nutritious etc in case they were being judged. Hilariously I remember glancing over and being embarrassed that I had agreed to the shop bought sandwiches (and crisps) complete with non-ethical Sainsburys carrier bag. Impressing the agency in this manner had been totally off my radar.
I find it’s great to hear the words ‘that’s just how it has been for me’.
We leave wishing each other all the best for our impending first stage review later this week. We also formally name our group the Cosy Club Society or CCS.