Its been a while since I last posted and now we’re only 8 days away from going to panel!
Blogging is tough when you work full time and you’re in the thick of being assessed. Although it is good to have this record of how far we’ve come. I’m now seeing people who have found The Adoption Social and the online adoption community and are asking questions of the process – it feels like yesterday that we were starting out on our own voyage of adoption discovery.
Anyway, last week we received our first draft PAR. Reading through how your social worker has turned those conversations and homework into a reflection of you is interesting and daunting – does she get us? What do we look like in the eyes of others?
First impressions are good and we now know she was listening and what a massive document this is. Fair play, lots of time and effort has gone into this. On the flip side, in my early years I’m appearing as a bit of a wild child against my angelic husband. I hated school and didn’t really find my self discipline until I left school at 16. However, out of school and through sports I was excelling, our social worker recently reflected, “its interesting that you were doing so well outside school and in sport at lunch times but in the classroom your teachers didn’t see that?”. In school I was a first rate pain in the arse, I just couldn’t concentrate. Oh how this process brings things up for you that you hadn’t realised were there – but that’s another story.
The big thing that stands out for me in the PAR was the point at which I ‘got into the rave scene’ and dabbled in the associated drugs. The drugs taken are actually named in my PAR – FFS!!! My husband has told me that I was far too honest. Discussions with others about what they disclosed leads me to feel the same. Was it a good move? Or should I have kept schtum?
If I think about adoptive kids and the prospective challenges to come then in theory my experience stands me in good stead. I will be able to understand how the classroom can be a place which is really challenging. I will understand how easily it is to be led astray when your family boundaries are quite wide. I will also understand the peer pressure – the desire to belong. Sadly, I will also understand the drug ridden social scene in which many teenagers find themselves.
Its hard as a naughty child and rebellious/adventurous some say ‘wayward’ teenager to pick your path. You just need parents that you can talk to and family values that help you make the right decisions. Life can be difficult enough at this time without the added pressure of also being adopted.
Another issue we potentially face is a reference to me being quite sensitive. Who am I to judge? Isn’t everyone sensitive to some degree? Doesn’t Empathy come from sensitivity? It will be a vulnerability though (they tell me) especially with children who push your buttons.
Having been a manager for over 16 years I have learnt that you just need to ‘man up’ and act the adult. I think the same applies to children. My husband doesn’t think I have a problem with sensitivity. Lets see what the panel say.
Anyway, we were able to change several points in our PAR we were didn’t feel reflected the situation actively enough. We discussed each point with the SW and agreed what was worth changing and what wasn’t.
This is it, this is us. Its like completing and sending the job application for the best job in the world where we’re guaranteed an interview. Fingers crossed we’ll get the job.