Feeling happier about our adoption journey today.

Yesterday I was feeling negative and confused about adoption.

I had a few lovely, supportive comments from the blogosphere which helped and I also went out with a group of amazing friends who have children.
I asked one what his children meant to him and what had they brought to his life and he ended up in tears. It was unexplainable. I felt terrible as we were in a bar … but he had been drinking for a few hours after watching the football!
I realise that it’s not about positive adoption, it’s about positive family. No matter if birth or otherwise, the joys are the same.

I’m feeling slightly naive but then I’m learning a lot at the moment so don’t want to be too harsh on myself. The differences in children who’ve lived with trauma and then adoption seem vast. Im realising that trauma exists within birth families too, it’s just that adoption makes you focus on the issues and the books I’m reading are just picking those issues and the impacts. I should know, I’ve experienced enough of those traumas myself but I had a birth family upbringing.

Looking forward to seeing our nephews today who are 18 and 12 months old then going to register our interest on Monday. Eeeek!

7 thoughts on “Feeling happier about our adoption journey today.

  1. Please don’t be to hard on yourself. Adoption is a mindfield, especially when you’re just starting out. We’re 7 months into it now and we still have days were we fear our future. We also have days of panic and uncertainty. It’s all natural feelings x

  2. Please don’t be to hard on yourself. Adoption is a draining process. We’re now 7 months into our journey and we learn new things every day. It’s natural to have moments of panic, fear and uncertainty – it’s only natural and to be expected. Ensure you seek support from loved ones and friends during your challenging days. They will help get you through it. Good luck x

    1. I’ve just read your blog (most recent posts) and realise that we’ve been in touch before via Twitter. I’m still getting to grips with the blog, not a clue what I’m doing so apologies if I repeat anything. Most importantly thanks for your kind words.

      You sound very organised which is great, I hope to be like that from here on in. You also mention that the 27th Nov was a big day for you. I hope it went well.
      You’re ahead of us in the process so I look forward to hearing your updates.

      Your Dan Hughes piece was brilliant, I think I would have gone too if I’d known. Although it might be good to go see him when I’m in the thick of the reality needing a few hints and tips, there’s only so much theory one can take before your natural instinct kicks in.

      As many have, you say you went through IVF too. Not sure about you but I feel hopeful and happier than I have for a long time going down this adoption path. It’s daunting but it’s helping me find a light inside that I thought had gone out inside.

      I look forward to your next post


      1. Sorry I just found your reply. I’m just heading to wrk so I will pop on and reply tonight xx

  3. You are on the right track by even being AWARE of the realities of trauma and attachment and how those may (and likely will) influence an adopted child’s development (and the family the child is adopted into). Developmental trauma is heartbreaking. It is also treatable, though not by love alone. As part of your preparation, educate yourself about trauma and dissociation in children, as well as talk with a mental health professional who specializes in childhood trauma and dissociation (you can find both resources on http://www.ISST-D.org in the professional database, and the FAQs–there are some specifically for parents and educators). If the child is to be internationally adopted, seek the advice of a speech language pathologist with experience with the language issues of adoption, to help you know how to best facilitate communication and language with your child, and get the child in language therapy early–there are some language issues that are specific (or more common) in children with trauma histories. Professionals with experience in the field can help you work with your child on the dissociation that he/she had to adopt (no pun) in order to cope–and things can change for the better, and quite quickly. Dissociation needs to be attended to (it doesn’t just go away with love if it is what kept the child alive…), but it CAN be attended to well, in the right hands. Go with your gut, too. Find someone who you can FEEL makes the connection with you and your child, who wants YOU to be the main attachment figure for your child (rather than themselves), and who teaches you how to work with your child and gives you practical tools. Adopted kids have had a raw deal, but they are wonderful kids, and with no less potential than any other child–often with more, if you consider that they survived what many would not. Adoption is the best gift you can give (and get). Don’t fear it–there are resources to help make it easier (if not easy) for both you and the child!

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